I was kind of hoping that spring was here, but the weatherman said we might have some flurries tonight. I'm getting to go see my hubby on Sunday, always something to look forward to. My son needs to send me some pics of that new grandbaby. She's almost 2 months old and I don't know what she looks like!!! My dogs all went nuts last night during the storm. 3 of them piled up in bed with Ms. Nan and 3 of them piled up in bed with me. Good thing they're chihuahuas or we'd of been crowded out of our own beds. I love them like kids. My husband didn't even get granted a parole hearing this time around. Maybe next fall... I hope. I have a mover and the constable and sheriff's deputies coming Thursday morning to remove my neighbors. That should prove to be a very interesting morning. I hope and pray all goes well. Got to get on and finish Ms. Nan's tax return so she can get her stimulus payment.

Suffice it to say, it has been way too long since I was on here. I even directed my friends on MySpace, including family I have newly connected to, to read my blog here and then I go missing for months. I made a quick trip to NY in November for a family reunion that was planned at the last moment. My dad's family had seemed to be, or my dad's children had thought anyway, estranged. My Uncle Norman, his last surviving brother (out of 7 children, 3 died as infants, dad at 48, Aunt Rachel at 55 and Uncle Kenny had just made 60), was dying and one of his last requests was that all the Hadlock grandchildren be together because he knew if he passed away and it hadn't come about it would never happen. We had planned it for this spring, but he took a turn for the worse and we hurriedly moved it up. My uncle looked so much like my dad (except older) it was uncanny. We talked about his childhood and the stories my dad had told me. Of course, as boys a lot of people mistook them for twins, there was only 11 months between and they looked a like. It was strange seeing first cousins I had NEVER even met. It was also strange and upsetting to learn how badly my mother had lied and manipulated things. My father was not on the outs with his brothers, they actually visited my dad the times he was in the hospital before he died. They never told my mother because she was the reason they had been at odds before. Out of a family of 6, I have a brother and a sister that acknowledge me. I have a sister and 2 brothers than have sided with my mother. It's a huge mess and I doubt it will every be straightened out. In December I spent 2 weeks in the psych hospital trying to get straightened out. I was in very bad shape and was out of work from Dec. 1-27. The doctors changed my medicine and I felt like a changed person. The Effexor is working so well for me. The doctor was also convinced I was NOT bi-polar, that he took me off that med (which was slowly accumulating to a toxic level in my blood.) I have tried for years to tell them I wasn't bi-polar, I didn't have the mood swings. This hospital was wonderful. They had enough staff to go one on one with the patients and they HELPED me more than any other psych hospital I've ever been in. The holidays, my daughter's not wanting to see me (she's now changed her mind, thank goodness), my husband's request for a parole hearing being rejected, Christmas, all contributed. I'm better now, but it took a while. At one point I was only downloading my e-mail once a week, if that. I now have several cousins, a brother and sister-in-law, a sister and brother-in-law, nieces, nephews, sons, grandkids that I can keep in contact with on MySpace. I went from no family to loads of family. I found out about so many lies that I had been fed and am realizing that family does mean a lot and that I do have family that cares about me. It's wonderful. In January it got even better. First, I had a bad sinus infection I finally went to the doctor about. (After suffering for 2 weeks and avoiding the doctor.) I recovered from that to turn around and almost the next day come down with laryingitis (sp??) and the croup. But I lived. I have quit my job 2 times, and still work for Dollar General with a $1.00/hour raise and a promotion to a backup manager, still working part-time. I wasn't quitting to get a raise, I had another job, a little less pay but closer to home. But, I couldn't turn down an offer like that, so I stayed. Lately, on my days off, I have been involved with my best friend. She has an aneurysm on the left side of her brain the doctors tried to fix in 2002 and couldn't because it was too close to the optic nerve, risking leaving her blind, paralyzed or a vegetable. After Katrina, all her records were at Charity Hospital in New Orleans and those records do not exist any more, they were destroyed in the hurricane. Her regular nurse practioner has spent nearly 2 and 1/2 years trying to get her into a neurosurgeon. She finally had an appointment and I've been going with her as her advocate. Her memory is not good and she is blind on the left side, so she has no business driving in New Orleans traffic. I was with her throughout the first surgery and know all the details. Unfortunately, an MRA was done (an MRI only the radiologist injects a dye for contrast) showed that the aneurysm seemed to be leaking AND she now has another aneurysm on the right side. We are hoping for surgery to insert coils through the artery in the groin into the brain and this will reinforce the artery walls so that the aneurysms shouldn't rupture. I also have a brand new baby granddaughter, Savannah Renee, born January 14 at 8 lbs. 10 oz. I haven't seen her yet, but I hope to soon. My brother has also promised to make sure that I get to NY at least once a year to visit family. He even gave me money this trip. I was shocked! I know he's doing well, he is an excellent dairy farmer and must be an awesome money manager. Also, he's a top dairyman in  his county. He and his wife even had dairymen from Italy stop by to see one of his cows because of her lineage and they were impressed by her. So I know this is a lot to absorb, believe me, I've been trying to do that for a few months, but it's a great feeling to know that not all of my family hates me, or ever hated me for that matter. I can't change my mother or the other sister and brothers, but I can enjoy the brother and sister and cousins and children and grandchildren that I have.

   I have had a terrible time with the Internet. It seems like there is something wrong with my connection and I just can't seem to log in. But I'm here now. Sometimes, it's all I can do to just download my e-mail, I don't even get to visit any websites.
   The last I had to say was that I was taking the kids to visit. The visit went very well. Maw Maw didn't get too tired and the kids didn't get too cranky until just before we made it home. Paw Paw Keith got to meet a grandson and granddaughter he have never seen before.
   I have been lucky enough to make contact with some of my family up north. Or, rather, they have contacted me. Not my mother, of course, but a brother and sister-in-law, a sister and brother-in-law, nieces and a couple of cousins.
   The eye doctor did say there appeared to be some nerve damage to my right eye. For now, he is just going to watch it and see if it really is damage and they need to try new drops or if it's just a glitch in the test.
   So, here I am, I hope all is well with everyone else and I will try to drop in more often if my connection will let me.

   Well, my daughter was found not guilty. The judge there was obviously some underlying problems that the judicial system had not been aware of. The step daughter wants to appeal the decision and had my daughter all upset until I explained that she couldn't do that because of something in the constitution called double jeopardly. If you're found innocent, then that's it, you can't ever be charged with another crime in relation to that one. They were just blowing smoke, trying to scare her.
   The GOOD news is that Maw Maw is going to leave out tomorrow morning with a 3 1/2 yr old, 19 month old, and 7 month old to see their Paw Paw. Now keep in mind, Paw Paw has NEVER seen the 2 little ones, so that should be a very good visit. He also has NO idea that I'm bringing them. I happen to like surprises and this should be a real good one. He does know I'm coming, just not the kids.

   Oh, I was so happy to see that Mel was back! I had wondered where you were and if you were all right. I have had some happy news. I am now in e-mail contact with my brother and sister-in-law, sister and 3 nieces. It all came about when they asked my son for my e-mail address. It has been literally years since I have been in contact with my family. I believe the last time I called my mother was to tell her of Chloey's birth February 16, 2006. She wasn't home or didn't answer and I left a message she never returned. And now in the space of a couple of days I have a grown up niece, a nearly grown up niece and a 6th grade niece who want to have contact with me. I have pictures of a brand new nephew born last April (a sweet surprise!!!) to my sister. They know I'm alive and they actually care. However, they don't get along too well with my mother. I really don't know anyone who gets along really well with my mother unless they follow her rules. But, anyway, it's a start.
   But as with everything, there is bad news. My daughter was charged with child abuse by her boyfriend's daughter, arrested and spent the night in jail. Now she has these charges to deal with. Appartently she was watching the daughter's 4 younger boys and the next to the youngest, the 2 1/2 yr old, came home with bruises on his behind. Well, that's one story. Another is that he fell. Another is that his own mother put the bruises there. But his mother went to the police and filed charges on my daughter and she had to spend the night in jail. It's all a mixed up mess and I can't wait for it to be over with and my daughter cleared. I have some trouble believing that she would leave marks like that, but I've learned anything is possible. She (my daughter) said just leave everything up to the good Lord and let Him sort it all out. Sounds sensible to me, I hope He doesn't take her away from her babies.

   I had a whole nice long blog entry last night and... the power went out before I could publish. Ouch! Anyway, I could really, really use a nice big old bear hug. The kind I haven't had in a while. The kind that just holds you and says everything's going to be okay. In fact, I think I need a shoulder to cry on. Not to whine to, whimper, complain, but to really actually cry, shed tears. I cry very rarely and I think I could use it about now.
   I can't remember all I was waxing philosophical about last night, but I'll hit the high points.
   I fixed my water on Wednesday!!!! A big deal to me anyway. I kept telling myself as I struggled that I could fix it until it became "me and God can fix it." I wanted to go to church that night too and it was obvious I would have to get the water fixed first because I was mud from head to toe. When I got done and got my bath, I had some time to spare. It wouldn't have been right not to go to church after God so willingly helped me fix my water in time to go.
   I really do need my husband home. He can now apply for another revocation hearing. This is not a parole hearing, this the hearing he previously signed his rights away for. Enough time has passed he is now eligible for another. We can only pray because that's all we can do. I don't have my hopes up. God's dealing with me and it's harsh.
   Since he's been locked up he's lost an aunt, an uncle and a cousin. The uncle and cousin were sudden, unexpected. The aunt had Alzeheimer's for a long time, not unexpected, but still a loss nevertheless. His grandma's not in the best of health and it is my prayer that she stays on this earth until he can see her at least one more time. I worry about what it might do to him if he should lose her, too, while he's locked up.
   Well, we had a tragedy in the church, too. A wife left her husband and children. A couple of Sundays ago when she was either picking up or dropping off the kids, her husband shot her and then shot himself. That is something that can tear a church apart, or build us together as Christians sharing our loads together.
   I'm also thinking about going to town today and getting a couple of job applications, just in case. Just to see. Can't hurt right? But I get to feeling if I quit the job I have, I'll be letting the people I work with down. That I'll be a dirty no good who couldn't stick up. That shouldn't matter should it? This is for me, not them. Their choice to stay or leave. I'll consider other jobs, maybe this one will ease up, but it hasn't in the last 9 months, why would it now?
   Time to go get stuff in the mail. Love ya.

   I am so tired and so worn out. I just don't know what to do next. I don't know whether to cry or run away. The job is just taking it out of me and I can't get it back. The minimum wage went up, but not my pay, so I could go to a minimum wage job now and not be losing too much money. It might be easier, this is just so taxing and the more I give the more the manager wants. A little encouragement, maybe a raise in pay, some kind of something. I know that by not taking 3rd key position, I'm allowing people hired after me to be put ahead of me, but I don't expect to be treated like I don't know what I'm doing. On the other hand, I expect the 3rd key person to at least know what she's doing. I shouldn't have to tell her how to do her job. Sometimes I know what to do just from observation, sometimes I don't. I'm not involved in the alarms, locks, safes, store opening and closing and all that. I do what I'm supposed even if no one else does. My phone doesn't work, my mower doesn't work, my air compressor quit, my t.v. quit. I could use a good handyman for about a month. I need to change air conditioners out, the main one is just not working anymore. I think I'll take the one from my room and put it in the living room and take the one from the computer room and put that in my room or buy a small one for my room. It might be a good idea to just get a small one and get rid of that big, old thing that is definitely not running right. I'd probably be ahead on the electric bill if I did that. I've started a Bible study course that my husband's been doing while in prison. They've started allowing spouses to do the lessons free as well. It can't hurt. If we maintain a high enough grade, we'll be allowed to continue the lessons after he gets out for as long as we want. They send us a book, we study, do the test and mail it back and they send another book. I haven't been here in forever, I know. Just think, on August 29, it will be 2 years since Katrina and she is still affecting Louisiana.

   I found out Saturday that my husband is probably looking at doing a total of 3 years and 3 months for his crime. Because he was mislead and misinformed by the parole department, he has no recourse. The government is always right, even when they're strongarming the little guy.
   How many deadbeat dads are out there refusing to pay child support? My husband voluntarily (and without a request from his ex-wife) paid weekly child support for his daughter. You don't find a high percentage of dads doing that.
   This whole thing started in 1991 because of his conviction that he was to take care of his wife and child and not leave her. Everything that has happened to him since started with that.
   Well, I guess I'll just have to wait April 2009 to find out.
   It's storming here again. I hope any really bad weather waits until July 23, when I'll finally have insurance on the house, to hit. Just keep praying, I guess.
   And my husband's dog died (was killed?? maybe). It hit him hard, especially since about 2 days later his 44 year-old cousin passed away. A massive heart attack hit Blane while he was driving and he was dead before he even hit the culvert. There was some concern about his heart before, it seems he had a partial blockage and there were to be tests this week, but now he's gone, leaving behind a grieving mother, father, 2 brothers, 1 sister, 4 sons, 1 daughter and grandbaby. 44 years-old, I'm 47, my dad passed away at 48. I wonder if I'll even still be here when my husband is released. Three deaths in his close family in the 1 1/2 years since he's been locked up.

   I just don't know how I'm going to get through all this. I know I haven't been here in a really, really long time. Things have been so busy, making phone calls and everything. I've also been trying to evict my neighbors, whose mobile home is on my property. Now I am looking for a truck to take it away. I found someone who would do it for the mobile home. In other words, if the people didn't pay the towing and storage bill, he would own the trailer. It sounded like the best thing to me. And then he came to look at the trailer and the woman got mad. He's a little shaky on the legal, I'm not sure he wants to do it anymore, but I've done everything by the book AND given them nearly 2 years to move. I was content to leave things as they were until they started bulldozing my property. That was the final straw. Now I have to get them gone for my own sanity. I also have to coordinate it the schedule of our constable, the movers and my work schedule, not easy at all.
   And my husband found out that he's not even going to be allowed to have a parole hearing this time around. He has to wait until January 2008 to apply again for a hearing. I thought for sure he would get a hearing, but I guess even that's not for granted.
   So, I'm low and drained. I missed a week of work because of a back injury. When I went back it wasn't healed, but had eased up to the point I could get out of bed again. I had to go to work, need the money. My husband wants me to quit, but I can't. He's says God will provide. But what if God's provision is this job? This has not made it easy at all.
   Of course, my ex-daughter-in-law is trying to have her baby a month early. There'll have to be a paternity test because it could be my son's or her fiance's. He has a 9 yr old boy and a 5 yr old girl and another baby girl due in August by another girl. And my younger son has a baby due by his girlfriend in December around Christmas. So that will make 7 or 8 grandbabies. They just keep coming. I keep reminding them that we know what causes this and there is a preventative for it.  But do kids listen? No. Why? I never did when I was their age, why should I expect them to?
   Well, my four little parakeets are singing to me from right behind my chair so I think I need to put them to bed. And I think my dogs are ready to hit the bed. It's almost 2 a.m. and I guess I do need to get some sleep.